COOKING MACHINES

 Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about

POINTLESS COOKING MACHINES

S'mores Maker

Say, here's a terrific idea: let's take one of the most goofy-fun, best-loved, storied snack treats fondly remembered from family campouts and suck all of the romance out of it! Seriously, though, if you had a munchie spot only a s'more could fill, you could do this in a toaster oven or with a blowtorch. Don't reward the childhood joy-killers who built this factory of despair.

Salad Shooter

Could be replaced by: a knife. Or a food processor.

This unholy fusion of a weapon and an appliance rears its head reliably every gift-giving season, then slithers back into the dark shadows of the spiderhole from which it crept, never to be seen by human eyes until winter's bitter chill returns once more. God help those who think waving a set of razor sharp whirling blades freely around their kitchen on the end of an electric leash, to aim at whatever hapless creature or salad bowl crosses its path, is a sane idea.

The Crock Pot Lunch Crock

Could be replaced by: common decency.

The original Crock Pot is already an item of dubious usefulness — you could accomplish the same effect with a far more versatile Dutch oven over a low flame, or inside the oven at 250 degrees or so. But to insist that “leftovers, soups, chili, and more” should percolate on your office desk throughout the workday, annoying, depressing or angering your fellow cubemates is just plain cruel. If you want to maintain workplace harmony, don't ever employ this Crock Pot's bastard child. Try to confine wafting food scents to the office microwave.

And as always have a chilled day from the Viking